Forget "El Classico" heres "Hell Smashyco"

With the dust barely settled from the 6 Dominons final, here we are again Bob for the annual Bank holiday weekend "Hell Smashyco" Blood bowl match.

As always it is the immortal rivals "The Orc team" Vs "Her Majesty's Gentlemen of the Realm" so sit back and prepare to witness a fabulous display of Martial skill, panache and outrageous brutality!

HOOF! the Orcs recieve the kick off and attempt to draw the "Gentlemen" off to the left wing.

 The human chucker falls for the bluff and directs his team to intercept. Pop 'em off chaps!

Hell Smashyco here we go as the teams collide

Chin Lee the Hong Kong Asian Sensation, spots Shifty Nick breaking for the end zone and attempts to boot Nick into the back bleachers.

He misses the kick and an Orc blocker knocks him flat on his back for his troubles. I guess thats one way to get into a mediative state Bob.

The rest of the "Loose toofs" form a corridor along the side line for the Orc catchers and blitzers. Is Shifty Nick open for the Touch down Bob?

NO Bob the "Hebrew Hammer" comes crashing in out of nowhere and flattens the catcher with ease.

But the rest of the green horde are in close support and use their superior numbers to jam out the Humans and "The green streak" picks up the ball and runs in the Touch Down and his fans the "Green streak ooligans" go nuts in the stands.

The "Gentlemen" catch the Kick off and charge the left of the field with the Blitzers leading the way.
Tally ho chaps!

The loose toofs get stuck in with da leather and stop the charge in its tracks.

The catcher hands off the ball and makes a break for space with the clock running down

He goes for the sprint Bob, its the only way he can get there before the final whistle, but wait ......... NO its a double six on the sprint, he really was not supposed to make that run.

And theres the whistle Bob. Can the Gentlemen of the Realm come back in the second half?

2nd Half


The Orcs receive and make another break for the right. Do you think the pitch is slanted Bob?

An heroic tackle from the human blitzer brings down "Sticky hands Dan" and stalls out the Orc attack. Can the Gentlemen capitalise on this break and stick it to johnny foreigner?

Thankfully for the green skins Shifty Nick is in close support again and scoops up the ball to continue the run but their left flank collapses and the Orcs are in danger of being overwealmed by the valiant men of the Realm. They don't like it up them boys!!

Nick punts the ball as there is only 4 turns remaining and the Green horde attempt to cripple some of the more fragile human players to redress the balance. Now thats some smash mouth football Bob!

One of "Her majesties Wall" makes a break for the Orc endzone and is chased by "the green streak". Can "the Wall" shrug off the block and stay standing to catch the "up and under" from the human catcher next turn?

Keep calm and carry on old chap. The Human coach awaits the roll of the die.

No Bob, the Green Streak floors the Human blocker and with no humans able to make it to the end zone before the final whistle the Orcs go nuts and the "Smashyco" honours go to the Orc team.

Just look at those Dug outs Bob what a game, what a spectacle, whats for dinner?

Orc Blood Bowl Team, The Orc Team

So here it is about 98% complete for your sporting pleasure "The unwashed, godless, green horde of the faerie realm.... The ORC TEAM!"

Team Shot

Medic and Coach

Score, reroll and turn markers

Troll big guy

The "Loose toofs" Orc Blockers

The "Green expendables" Orc linemen

The "Long bombs" Orc Chuckers and kicker (centre)

"Shifty Nick" and "Sticky hands Dan" the Orc Catchers

The Girlz, Orc Jeer leaders (plan to add another 2)

will need to add a photo of the "Green Streaks" Orc blitzers at some stage but they are in the main photo.

LOVED painting up these fellas (and ladies) and can't wait to finish up the "Gentlemen of the Realm" their opponents.

The 6 Dominions Blood bowl Final. Judgement day

So this is it Bob, what all the blood, sweat and tears was all for and thats just me trying to put on these leather trousers!

So the Karma Khameleons and the Calador Dragons are the last teams standing, and with most of the 6 Dominions coaches in attendence as well as the millions at home Both coaches take a deep breath before they plunge into the fury that is the 6 Dominions final!

THE FINAL

The Lizards receive and go hell for leather for the Elf endzone.

No quarter is asked or given as the immovable object meet the irrestible force.

Skink Ali and the other lizard catchers bolt for the holes left in the field and the elves desperately try to bring them down but the lizards are dodging left, right and centre and the elves just can't get to grips with the slippery skinks.

Finally the Elves bring down the Skinks but is it too little too late Bob?

A Skink breaks loose Bob ..................... hes loose, is a touch down imminent?

The skink literally cart wheels over the line. I guess me knows hes on the big screen Bob. ONE - NIL to the Khameleons!

The Elves receive the ball and make a concentrated charge up the left wing of the field, with the lizards rapidly closing the gap and full of bad intentions!!

Hang on to your hat Bob!!

Actually Bob put on the kettle this could take a while!

Whats this Bob? Totally unnoticed the Elf thrower has been sneaking up the opposite wing and suddenly a cross field long bomb goes zinging in his direction.

What a play Bob. What a PLAY!

The lizard Blitzer notices in the nick of time and goes for the heroic tackle can he pull it off?

NO BOB HE MISSES THE TACKLE. The Dragons run in the Touch down and we are heading for Sudden death Bloodbowl, the three greatest words in the English language!!!!!

So Bob while the players catch their breath lets have a quick recap for the folks at home.

Sudden death Bloodbowl. NO ref, NO time limit and only ONE goal.... to score.

The ball is placed in the centre of the field, the coaches flip a coin for first turn and all hell breaks loose.

Now back to the action!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Lizards make a lightening break for the ball, will this boldness prove decisive?

Someone call the "elf and safety" officer as someone has failed to mop up the half time bananas as how else can you explain this picture?

The Dragons clear the left side of the field of lizards and make a desperate break for the End zone!!

This pundit catches the eye of the Thumpers coach and a wistful look of "if only" crosses his face before he focuses back on the action on the field. The Angels coach is less subtle and screams a series of obscenities in the general direction of the lizard coach before kicking the smallest person in the room.

But wait Bob its not over .................. the Elves double block one of the few remaining threats to the Elf catcher but "snake eyes" returns to form and rolls a double 1, resulting in both pointy ear pansies heading for the stunned box. This game is far from over!!

But the elves have the advantage of numbers and a second multiple block bring the lizard down............ but wait whats this Bob, one of the last remaining lizards makes a break for the elf catcher with a heroic tackle, can he pull it off Bob



NO BOB........................  LANO ROLLS A SIX WITH ONE SQUARE TO SPRINT and with a roar of boos / cheers and disbelief from the crowd that leaves the Elf free to run in the Touchdown!

 

Bob I have literally shit my own pants!!!

What a game, What a 6 Dominions tournament!

We have had more action then a Manila Whore house on a saturday night with the US Navy in town!!

Seriously how are we going to top this!!

It only leaves me to thank all the 6 Dominion coaches for really embracing this compertition and playing with a competitive verve but at no point losing their sense of humour or sportsmanship, and the staff at the Miniature Empire for hosting the compertition and staying open late on more then one occasion.

I Thank you one and all!!

This leaves me to just reflect on the two greatest moments of the 6 dominions for me.................

1) Macca rolling the 6 on the sprint during the final turn of his game only one square from the end zone with the Tub thumpers to throw away the draw, and

2) Mark using some kind of Jedi mind trick on Lano during the final and very nearly convincing Lano to end his turn early to allow him the make a break for the end zone.

So lets fade out with a sporting montage of the winning team jumping up and down in slow motion with a rousing score in the background

Any last words Bob........................... No .............. I figured not, you were really worth the signing fee Bob keep up the good work!

Good night and thank you all

Slow fade to black

Whack of the day 5. Someones 0 has to go!!

So Bob this one is a contentious one as the absence of the Skaven coach means the Halflings have a game in hand and no opponent.

The bribes are soon flying back and forth and in the name of "Fair play" i.e. the biggest pay day, the commisioner decides that a replay between The Tub thumpers and the Calador Dragons is the only "fair" decision and his new condo in the Lustrian isles has nothing to do with the final decision (I guess hotdogs can only go so far Bob).

GAME TWO "THE REVENGE?"

The Elves recieve the kick off and once again spilt their charge down both wings, I guess the plan is to draw Mr. Snide off to one side and blitz the other wing.

Time and Snide will tell Bob!

The Tub thumpers send out some probing attacks to the flanks while Mr. Snide hangs back with his Halfling "Artillery"

Suddenly the Dragons pounce down their weaker left flank and the blitzers lead the charge on Snide to pin him down in the centre,

I guess we can call this putting all their eggs in one basket because if Snide gets into his stride the elves might be missing their biggest and best for the rest of the game!!

Here comes the Long Bomb Bob and once again the elves show their cool and snatch the ball out of the air with ease.......................... God I want to smash the flash git in the face.............................. Sorry fans I said the loud bit quiet and the quiet bit loud!

With Mr Snide embroiled in a massive tear up in the centre, the Elves run in the TD. One - Nil

The Halflings recieve the ball from the Kick off.............. but wait Bob ......................... whats this?

The ref is heading straight for Snide................... hes reaching in to his top....................pocket...............................................hes pulling out a card.................. is it a red Bob?

Yes Bob its a red...... the big fella is sending off the BIG fella .............. and Snides bottom lip is starting to wobble are we about to see a fully grown ogre cry because the Thumpers coach certainly is Bob.

This is game changing Bob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snide is sent to the stunned box. Can the Halfling get the score in and get snide back on the field for extra time?

Undaunted the last two Halflings charge the centre of the field and try to get off the pass and draw the game.

The crowd hold their breath is disbelief and you need to imagine one of those Hollywood scenes where they cut to various nations around the world staring at the T.V. in slow motion as the Halfling coach needs a nine off 2 D6 to pull off the pass...........

NO BOB ITS ONLY A 6......................... THE DRAGONS ARE THROUGH TO THE FINALS....................... THE DRAGONS WIN!!!!!!!!!

Whack of the day 5. The Wooden spoon!

Hello again Bob and welcome to the final installment of this seasons "Whack of the day" as it is with a tear in my eye that I have to say Hello to all the maniac Bloodheads out there for one last time. Bob I hope I don't lose it during the final montage. 

Any woo, back to business. There was blood, there was snot, there was teeth knocked lose and angry phone calls from home asking "what the hell were the coaches doing still at the club so late", and all sorts of gastronomic delights of Gants Hill delivered home to waiting "loved ones". Just your average 6 dominions final really Bob!

Ok first off lets have a look at the first match between the Wild cards and Mort and Mindy. With the prestigious Wooden spoon (they say he carved it from an even bigger spoon) up for grabs for the loser there was everytihng to play for(?).

I've got to be honest Bob I spent most of the afternoon in "the dirty tackle" public house so my recollection of this one might be a bit hazy.

GAME ONE "THE WOODEN SPOON"

"HOOF" the undead kick off and wow what a shot! I guess all that money they spent on the Wire cam was worth it, personally I think they should have spent the game defumigating the loos after the Orc game last week.

The undead are barely out of their 3rd of the field before the Wildcards come crashing in, they really don't want that wooden spoon Bob!

It seems the wild cards are having a short discussion with the new ref about the finer points of blood bowl! But the new fella seems to be putting his point across with great passion and sensibility Bob, what an addition to the team!

on the other side of the field ours player go mano de mano. Somethings got to give

OK Bob you have got to help me out on this one, is it a kick into the end zone or a fluffed pass as this pundit was staring at the bottom of a glass of "Bloodweizer" at the time.

Regardless the humans manage to break free and pick up the ball in the end zone. One Nil to the wild cards Bob. what a game!

The wild cards kick off and the ref wastes no time getting his face on camera as he dives straight into the thick of the action "Hi MOM"

The undead launches a bomb down the left of the field into the hands of the catcher. What a pass Bob, and all the harder with only one eye. Thats one in the eye for depth perception!

The wild cards get stuck into the undead in their own half and strip the ball. Can they get off the pass?

No Bob hes brought down and the Undead surround the few remaining Human players, could another field clearance be on the cards?

So it would appear Bob as the human dug out gets a bit too snug for comfort....but what a great looking bunch of casualties!!!

Mort and Mindy seem to be trying to reconstruct the "Thriller" video in this Touchdown celebration Bob. Could a new career be on the card for these fellas............................... Whats that Bob?...................No, ok

With that the games ends one all, but with a full fight card ahead the coaches decide to call it on injuries and Leader ginge is the proud (?) owner of a brand new spoon!

Dosen't he look chuffed Bob

Well no not really, but better luck next year