Friday, 10 July 2015

WarmaPORN; The Farrow, happy as pigs in poo!

"I know you said 'Wait till you see the whites of their eyes', but this takes the piss!"

Lano my 'lazy, useless, student, mate' had only gone and got himself a job. What with this, the disappearance of Al, the Armoury gaming club being reduced to a once a month affair and Saturdays at Neils on a hiatus due to world events, my gaming output has dropped considerably recently.

Thankfully I did get a text this week from Lano saying he was free this week. Unfortunately he wanted to play Warmahordes!!!!

We agree a 30 point game and Lano sets out a beautifully (?) painted 30 points of piggy passion!

After failing to roll any criticals ON FIVE DICE last game, decide to give Magnus a run out. Unfortunately I do not have a optimum list for Magnus painted up yet. I decide to keep the unpainted minis confined to "the ammo box of doom" and only set out painted minis.

The Warmaporn will be in full effect tonight!

No surprises first turn, we both bolt forward. 

I do create a Thrall and run him behind the objective marker. Maybe he will get to jump out and dent a warbeast next turn?

Second turn my Freebooter gets to grips with Lanos new  Warhog. It has to go, as it has a flamer and a 20" threat range. Not something I want running around with my infantry heavy list. 

Lano had already managed to have a pop at Kell (my sniper) with a spell attack but was out by fractions of a milimeter. To give you an idea of how this game is played the measuring of this distance involved half a dozen gubbins and a straight line LAZER PEN!!! You do not have to be a dick head to play this game . . . . . but it REALLY helps.

The big pig has to go. I have Iron aggression on the Freebooter so all attack rolls are boosted and it has a chain attack ability so this should be a shoo-in. Of course I fuck up the second attack roll and miss out on the chain attack despite the boosted rolls!

It's good to be back . . . . Honest.

The rest of my forces move forward and my 'sniped' long gunners attempt to blast holes into the advancing warbeasts. This game I have decided to try to use concentrated fire as much as possible to try to drop a warbeast a turn.

Lanos first light Warbeast falls!

I need to stop the flame attack so bolt Gorman forward and  have him 'black oil' my own Freebooter to get the Big Pig in the AOE. Gorman only has to roll a four but I manage to fuck up the roll! Thankfully the AOE deviates towards the pig so they still both get hit.

It leaves my two figures exposed but it had to be done.

Both my Renegades open up on the Warhog and barely scratch the bloody thing despite two power 16 attacks!

Then I charge in my Thrall just for the hell of it and roll the following. . . . . 

Now thats a damage roll!

The rest of my forces continue to surge forward.

Now it's Lano's turn to suffer at the hands of the dice gods.

It's only minus three on his damage roll. The sod is so confident he even throws the location die at the same time.

Yep he throws a three!

However his Gorax crashes in and rolls the following . . . 

Fuck that hurt!

My Risen gang up on one Gorax and Alexia charges in and burns off a few Risen to dispatch the Warhog (what a girl!). Magnus blasts through the pigs with choppers (oo er misses!) and wipes them out. 

Lanos forces are falling like flies but his Warbeasts continue to run rampant round the field!

One reason is because I had lost sight of my 'concentrated fire' plan due to the number of threats heading my way. The other reason is Lano made a point of healing his warbeasts each turn regardless of how much damage they took. I lost count of the times one of his beasts was left on one life point but managed to limp through to the next round!

Lano's turn and the fatalities continue to sky rocket! My Free booter is wrecked. To give you some idea of the carnage I wreaked on my turn Alexia was sitting on EIGHT corpse tokens when she is blasted from the field!

The red headed Gorax thrashes the Risen surrounding it and the second Gorax makes a bee line for my Long Gunners!

The carnage continues!

A Gorax is killed by my Renegade and once again Magnus blasts several pigs from the field.

At this point I have a punchers chance to end this as Lano's Caster if left without any Fury to transfer hits and is just sort of exposed enough to risk a 'hell mary' pass to assassinate him and pull out the win . . . . . . 

I bottle it and decide to go for more collateral damage. hopefully I will get to make a run on the Caster next turn. . . . . Have I missed my window of opportunity? Time will tell.

The Gorax continues it's slow 'Terminator' like plodding advance towards the Long Gunners.

Getting closer!

"There you are, you fuckers!"

The Gorax lays low two Gunners before it is blasted full of holes by the surviving Gunners and Kell. Man that Gorax took some killing!

Having wrecked one Renegade the flamer pig has a pop at the second Renegade.

 Then flames both Magnus and the Renegade!

Magnus starts to suffer 'death via a thousand cuts' as the flames refuse to go out and Magnus sufferes a couple of hit boxes damage at the end of every turn.

Can I finish this before I am finally burn to death?

I continue to hunt down Lano's Caster while trying to finish off his supporting warbeasts. My objective marker is destroyed by this point and Lano is racking up the points. Once again this one is slipping through my fingers.

Lano's casualities continue to mount but is it too little, too late!

Finally I get a bead on Dr. Arkadius. Can I finish this?

I boost my fist damage roll and roll a . . . . . . 


I spend the focus to boost the second ranged attack (thanks to Reinholdt) and roll . . . . . 

EIGHTEEN!!!! Thats more fucking like it !!!!!

Unfortunatley Lano has the fury available to transfer the hit and survives the assassination attempt!

Lano makes a last effort to dispatch the pain in the arse that is Kell but his high defense saves his hide and he will see out the game.

With that last throw of the game Lano passes the required points score to win the game. 

Between us we only had five or six miniatures left on the table. I have the feeling Lano pretty much had this one sewn up with the destruction of my Freebooter but I continued to whale away until the last throw of the die. 

If I had made better target selection with my forces things might have turned out differently!


  1. Some incredible rolling extremes there, recon the dice gods were looking down and laughing. They do that to me too, the rotten sods! :-)

    1. ;0)

      The problem with having a blog is you document every last bad roll, so you are forced to remember games best left forgotten!

      Anyone for a game of snap?


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